


kanashimi no ame (the rain of sadness)

by thunderylee



Category: KAT-TUN (Band), NewS (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, drama filming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-07-02
Updated: 2007-07-02
Packaged: 2019-02-07 15:35:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12844209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: On the set of Byakkotai, Koki and Yamapi reach an understanding.





	kanashimi no ame (the rain of sadness)

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck.

It wasn’t supposed to be raining. In the film, yes, but for real, no. The directors were pleased with this unexpected development; real rain meant that they would save money on fake rain generators. It also meant that the scene would seem more realistic.

Tanaka Koki was indifferent in regards to real rain verses fake rain, except that it was much easier to do a sad scene when you could go outside afterwards and look up at a sunny, clear blue sky. It wasn’t even his character that got to him; it was Yamashita’s. While Koki’s “flashback” scenes were already done, he still had the recent scenes to film and didn’t see any point in flying all the way back home for a few days. He justified his stay by telling himself that he needed to keep Yamashita company, never mind the large amount of other boys their age.

Yamashita didn’t seem to mind. Yamashita Tomohisa was the lead, of course, and because of that he was in pretty much every scene. Yamashita claimed that, just like any other actor, he _became_ his character to the extent that he wasn’t really acting. His feelings were real, his words were real, his tears were real.

Having just seen Yamashita’s first crying scene in the flesh, Koki felt that he could have gone his entire life without feeling his heart ache in sympathy for Yamashita’s (character’s) pain. Yamashita was _good_ ; his eyes red and puffy, his natural tears flowing down one cheek, then the other, his nose gradually tinting pink. At that moment in time, with the rain pouring down, mixing with his tears, Koki felt Mineji’s ultimatum and everything that went along with it as he made the executive decision to commit seppaku; it was quite a surprise to feel a warm wetness travel down his own face.

“Cut!” a megaphoned voice broke through his concentration, bringing him back to reality. “Excellent work, Yamashita-san! Let’s break for the day – this storm is getting pretty bad.”

Yamashita sniffed, rushing to cover his exposed chest and seek shelter from the rain. The usual harem of females fussed over him in a tent, wrapping him with warm blankets fresh from the dryer and shoving a steaming mug of tea in his face. Yamashita accepted the items gratefully, politely sending the girls away as he dried his irritated eyes with care.

Koki felt no shame in watching him; after all, Yamashita was the star. He was also a good friend of theirs – that is, his group – and there have been many times in the past when the two have shared a stage. Koki was in a slight awe of Yamashita; Koki himself hadn’t slept very well the night after filming his own seppaku scene, and his hadn’t been nearly as intense as Yamashita’s.

“Ko~u~ki-kun!” Yamashita called out in what was affectionately (or exasperatingly, depending on who was asked) referred to as his Akira voice. “You’re going to catch cold!”

Koki belatedly realized that he was shivering, wearing only his street clothes in the pouring rain. He hadn’t brought his big puffy coat (his “gangsta coat,” Maru called it) to the set today since the weather report had predicted a slightly cloudy sky with a small breeze. The rain had surprised them all.

“You sound like my mother,” Koki teased as he jogged towards Yamashita’s tent, where Yamashita generously shared his towels and even his tea.

“Do you think Mineji was wrong?” Yamashita asked quietly, staring off into the distance as the rain pounded the open field.

“In not committing seppaku?” Koki replied. “It’s questionable. It was their whole life force at the time, being raised to fight and die for their city. Remaining alive and sneaking back to the castle seems a bit -”

“Cowardly,” Yamashita finished with a nod. “I think so too. This show makes him out to be a hero, but given the theme back in those days, choosing to live was selfish. I bet he was looked down upon by the other men in the village for the rest of his life.”

“I don’t know,” Koki said slowly. “It seemed a bit premature that my character and his troop actually went through with it -”

“Good scene, by the way,” Yamashita interrupted, patting Koki on the back. “I caught the end of it the other day. You were real convincing.”

“Thanks.” Koki turned his head to hide the unexplainable blush that spread on his cheeks. “You’re not so bad yourself, and you didn’t even go through with it.”

Yamashita chuckled as he traded his wet shirt for a dry one, letting it hang open much like the first. “Personally, I think he should have done it. But then the story would have taken a whole different turn.”

“And he wouldn’t have been able to see his mother before she died,” Koki added.

“Ah.” Yamashita frowned. “Yeah, not looking forward to that scene.”

Koki nodded his agreement. “I know what you mean. It’s hard to force yourself to be sad when you’re not.”

“It’s not that.” Yamashita busied himself by folding the towels and neatening up the area. “It’s really easy for me to be sad, actually. I just don’t like it. Sometimes it feels good to cry, though. Even if it doesn’t make a damn bit of difference.”

Regarding Yamashita as one might regard an abstract painting, trying to figure it out, Koki had a feeling that they weren’t talking about acting anymore. “Ne,” he said casually, plastering on his winning smile that he usually saved for photo shoots and when Junno attempted to be funny, “let’s go have a drink or something.”

Yamashita nodded, his lips curling upwards into a small smile. “Yeah, that’s a good idea.” He sniffed again, looking upwards to clear his eyes. “Good idea.”

~*~*~*~

“You’re quiet,” Yamashita observed out loud, eyeing Koki concernedly over the umbrella of his pink drink.

Koki chuckled and leaned back in the booth; with the storm raging outside, they were the only patrons in the bar. “The other guys are usually loud enough to make up for me,” he explained, referring to the rest of KAT-TUN. “I don’t really talk much.”

“You should,” Yamashita said decidedly, sipping his drink without averting his eyes. “You’re a great conversationalist.”

That made Koki laugh out loud; at Yamashita’s confused reaction, he said, “It’s just funny you say that, considering the company I keep.”

“How’s Jin?” Yamashita asked quickly, instantly biting his bottom lip as though he regretted the question.

“Last I heard, he’s great,” Koki replied, slightly bewildered at the sudden segue. “I haven’t gotten to talk to him yet – we didn’t really talk much – but Kame says he’s really happy.”

“Happy,” Yamashita repeated, nodding more to himself than to Koki. “Kame said… yeah, okay.” He stared out the window, frowning as the rain continued to fall in sheets.

Koki licked his lips nervously, not sure what to say. It was no big secret that Jin and Yamashita had A Thing, although it wasn’t something they openly talked about. As far as Koki knew, through the JE rumor mill that is, they hooked up shortly before the Summary concert and drifted apart when Yamashita debuted with Kamenashi as Shuji to Akira, only to reunite when KAT-TUN debuted and NewS was sent on hiatus. The next thing anyone knew, Jin left to study abroad for six months. Jin didn’t seem too affected by it; Koki assumed Yamashita felt the same way.

“Don’t try to make sense out of it,” Yamashita said softly, sighing into his glass. “If I can’t manage it, I doubt you can.”

“I’m sorry,” Koki said politely, tilting his head in a small bow. “It’s none of my business.”

“I brought it up,” pointed out Yamashita. “I think I want to talk about it, and you happen to be the poor schmuck who gets to hear it.”

Koki signaled a waitress; he definitely needed another drink for this.

“You want to know how I cry so easily on demand?” Yamashita asked, letting out a shrill laugh before continuing without waiting for Koki to answer. “I think about him. I think about him and how he lied to me. How he led me on, knowing how I felt about him. How he finally left me without so much as a goodbye. ‘It’s for the best’, he wrote me later, in the one fucking email I’ve gotten since he left. ‘This way you don’t have to look at me and be heartbroken’. Pretentious shit.”

Koki frowned. A part of him wanted to stand up for his bandmate (even if he was presently not a part of it), but on the other hand, he had spent enough time around Jin to know that Yamashita was right. Jin _was_ pretentious. That’s just who he was. If someone were to look up the word “pretentious” in a dictionary, Jin’s picture would probably be there. And he would definitely be doing something provocative, like running the tip of his tongue along his bottom lip, one eye angled in a wink.

The thought made him smile; Yamashita eyed him in a way that Koki couldn’t decipher. “Have you ever been in love, Koki?”

Koki shook his head.

“Don’t,” said Yamashita strongly. “It’s not worth it. It’s sad to say, but our characters are better off than we are.”

“How do you figure?” Koki asked incredulously. “Gisaburo died when he was barely seventeen, not having the chance to experience anything -”

“Maybe it’s better that way.” Yamashita blew a strand of hair out of his eyes. “All he knew was what he was taught. It was good that his life ended before he could be led astray.”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” said Koki. “And I’ve been in a group with Jin for six years.”

Yamashita let out a hysterical laugh. “He’s quite stupid, ne? We were good for each other in that way. We were good for each other in a lot of ways…”

“Snap out of it,” said Koki heatedly, snatching Yamashita’s glass as the other reached for it. “I understand that you need to revisit this sad, emotional place of yours to turn on the waterworks for the cameras, but you’re letting it consume you. You are _Yamapi_ , dammit. You’re not supposed to be deep and philosophical.”

Tossing his head back, Yamashita exploded with giggly laughter. Koki nodded satisfactorily, glad that the Yamashita he knew was back.

“I am Yamapi,” he said loudly, as though announcing it to the world. He slumped down in his seat, lifting his eyes dejectedly at Koki. “I’m starting to hate that nickname. Takki-sempai started it, but then Jin called me ‘Pi’ and now everyone calls me ‘Pi’ and it makes me think of Jin.”

“Jin’s an asshole,” Koki said simply. “He left us too, you know. Granted, he wasn’t banging any of us -”

“You don’t know that,” Yamashita cut in with a deranged chuckle.

Koki made a face. “He wasn’t banging _me_ , anyways. Personally, I think it was completely selfish that he took all this time for himself less than a year after we debuted. We’re not KAT-TUN without Jin.”

“You’re KT-TUN,” said Yamashita, struggling to pronounce the double consonant. “And your logic is not making me feel better.”

Sighing, Koki drained his beer and set it down purposefully on the table. “Jin is not the world, Yamashita-kun. And you are not Mineji. Were you like this on the set of _Nobuta wo Produce_?”

“AKIRA SHOCK!” Yamashita declared, dissolving into a fit of giggles. “Like I could be sad as Akira. I doubt the word was even in his vocabulary. Besides, he had his Shuji-kun to keep him happy.”

“I knew it,” said Koki. “That was totally a male/male love story with a random chick thrown in for balance.”

Yamashita shrugged. “It got good ratings,” he said with a straight face.

Koki raised an eyebrow.

Yamashita’s head hit the table as his laughter returned full-force, making his shoulders shake. “You want to know a secret?”

“Eto -”

“None of that was in the script!” Yamashita exclaimed jovially. “All of the suggestive leaning and kissy faces? All improv. The director loved it. Kame hated it.”

Koki laughed in spite of himself; he had to admit, a hyperactive Yamashita was much better than an emotional one. “I wonder why Kame never told us that.”

“I know why,” Yamashita said with a smirk. “But I can’t tell you.”

“Fair enough,” said Koki quickly. He didn’t really want to know.

Slowly lifting himself from the table as though it pained him to do so, Yamashita wiped his eyes and shook his head at the rain. “Do you think Mineji and Gisaburo ever fooled around?”

Koki gaped at him. “What kind of question -”

“Seriously,” said Yamashita, his eyes big in what Koki supposed was his serious face. “You stick a bunch of guys together and tell them that they’re not allowed to talk to chicks -”

“Probably,” said Koki.

“I mean, they can’t even -” Yamashita stopped short, his jaw dropping slightly as he stared at Koki in disbelief. “You think so?”

“Yeah, why not?” Koki said nonchalantly, occupying himself with the label on his bottle. “I mean, given the situation and all… do you really think they would sentence themselves to death without having at least one sexual interaction? And they were best friends, so it’s only natural that… maybe Matahachi too…”

Yamashita shook his head. “Your logic astounds me. Somehow you just managed to completely justify an all-male threesome, underage even.”

Koki shrugged. “What can I say? I’m good.”

Sucking the straw between his lips, Yamashita polished off his drink and motioned for another. Koki’s eyes flickered up just in time to meet Yamashita’s; he’d been caught looking. “Do you like me, Ko~u~ki-kun?”

“I’m not Jin,” Koki said firmly. “Or Kame,” he added as an afterthought.

“Good,” said Yamashita, slowly poking the tip of his tongue out to run across his bottom lip; Koki’s eyes grew wide. “I’ve had enough of both of them.”

Pushing his empty bottle to the side, Koki folded his hands on the table as though he were at a particularly interesting business meeting. “Are you sure this is a good idea? You have the death scene tomorrow. If we… you might be too happy to cry properly.”

“Look at you, all confident.” Yamashita smirked, lifting his hand to lick the condensation that had transposed from his glass. Seeing the look on Koki’s face, Yamashita let his hand fall to the table and broke out into a grin. “Ne, you are really easy. It’s a wonder you haven’t been passed around JE yet.”

“Again, I’m not Jin.” Koki regretted the words the moment he said them, but Yamashita’s gaze only wavered for a second. “I mean, not that he was cheating on you or anything -”

“Oh, he was,” Yamashita said indifferently. “I don’t love him for his loyalty.”

“Then why _do_ you love him?” Koki knew that this was a bad topic of conversation, but his curiosity was getting the best of him. “If all he did was lie and cheat, what’s left to love?”

“He’s Jin,” said Yamashita with a casual shrug. “He’s my best friend. We’re meant to be, with sparkles and badly-drawn hearts even. Just not yet. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.”

“I guess I just don’t understand,” said Koki, sighing reluctantly. “Then again, I’m not in love with my best friend who’s an incurable slut and halfway across the world being even more of an incurable slut, if that’s even possible.”

“Yeah,” said Yamashita slowly. “I can’t see Nakamaru speaking English.”

Koki reached across the table to punch Yamashita in the shoulder. Yamashita grabbed his arm and held him still, Koki’s body twisted in an awkward position that would have been erotic had it not hurt like a bitch. “Just because Jin and Kame whore themselves out doesn’t mean that the rest of us do,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Ooh, looks like I hit a sensitive spot,” Yamashita teased, loosening his grip on Koki enough for him to snatch his arm away. “Pining over Yuichan, are you?”

“Don’t call him that,” Koki said angrily. “He has nothing to do with this.”

“He has _everything_ to do with this,” Yamashita said in a low voice, tugging on his bottom lip with his teeth. “Just like Jin does. Now tell me, do you want to get laid tonight?”

Swallowing audibly, Koki raised his arm and called over the waitress. “Check please.”

~*~*~*~

The voice in the back of Koki’s head seriously needed to shut the fuck up. It was screaming at him, telling him that this was a bad idea, that Nakamaru would hate him forever, that Jin would beat his ass if he found out; it was only because of the _other_ voice, the one that softly sang “nobody has to know” that Koki followed Yamashita into his trailer at the far edge of the filming location.

Stumbled was more like it, as they’d both had more than their fair share to drink at the bar and did well enough to make it back to the set without falling on their faces. It was a team effort, really, with their arms around each other’s waists, shaking their wet hair out of their eyes (that damn rain that never seemed to let up) holding onto belt loops for support. Koki was momentarily amused that he would be tugging those belt loops in the near future, any minute now if Yamashita had his way.

“You been with a man before?” Yamashita hissed in his ear as they reached his trailer, fumbling in his pocket for the key.

“Once or twice,” Koki replied airily.

“Yatta!” shrieked Yamashita happily, holding up the key triumphantly and sticking it in the lock. “Good, then you can top. Jin never fucked me, the arrogant prick.”

Once Yamashita managed to get the door open, after what seemed like forever of jabbing the key around until he presumably remembered that he had to _turn_ it, Koki shoved him up against the nearest wall, kicking the door shut behind them.

“Whoa, Koki,” Yamashita said with big eyes and pouty, parted lips. “You continue on like this, I might want to keep you.”

“You say that like it’s a threat,” Koki replied, breathing heavily into Yamashita’s collarbone. “If I’m going to top, I should act like it, ne?”

“Yes,” Yamashita whispered, his eyes slowly slipping shut as Koki pressed their bodies together. “Yes, you definitely should.” Leaning close enough to Koki’s ear that his lips grazed the skin, he added, “Come control me.”

It might have been a picture, but it was probably a lamp – at any rate, _something_ was knocked over and shattered on the way down to the nearest surface, which happened to be the floor. Their mouths met somewhere in the middle, kissing sloppily as they tore at each other’s clothes; Koki was grateful for Yamashita’s habit of not buttoning his shirts, even more so for his rumored loathing of undergarments (which turned out to be entirely true). Yamashita was nude in no time, his body glowing eerily from the light of the moon shining through the window, distorted by the raindrops that continued to fall.

Koki took a moment to rake his eyes over his prey, this being of perfection from head to toe, more specifically the exact center of the two. Yamashita’s cock jutted out proudly, begging for attention, and Koki didn’t deny it for longer than it took to lower himself on top of Yamashita, wrapping his fingers around the throbbing length as Yamashita met him halfway for a kiss that was all tongues.

Swallowing Yamashita’s moans of appreciation, Koki lightly squeezed the insanely hard flesh and emitted a moan of his own when Yamashita clutched onto him tightly, returning the favor. His breath hitched in his throat as Yamashita sucked two of Koki’s fingers into his mouth, taking care to coat every millimeter with saliva, his eyes never leaving Koki’s.

“Yama -” Koki began, frowning as he trailed off. “What the hell do I call you?”

Yamashita pushed Koki’s fingers out of his mouth with his tongue, letting them linger on his lips while he spoke. “It would be nice to be called by my actual name for once. You _do_ know my name?”

“Tomohisa,” Koki said quietly, the soft syllables rolling off of his tongue like the raindrops continued to stream down the windows. “Tomohisa.”

Yamashita made a sound, almost a feline purr at his name on Koki’s lips. He kept his eyes locked with Koki’s as he grabbed Koki by the wrist and trailed his very slick fingers down his chest and between his legs, lifting his knees above his waist. “Don’t make me wait, Koki.”

Koki fused their mouths together, swirling his tongue around Yamashita’s while circling his fingers around the tight hole in exactly the same rhythm. A low, reverberating groan from Yamashita made him plunge one inside, then the other; as he grazed that spot deep inside Yamashita, he had to use his free hand to hold down Yamashita’s hips to keep his lower body from shuddering uncontrollably.

“Now,” Yamashita gasped against Koki’s lips, “Fuck me, Koki.”

A surge of heat flashed in front of Koki’s eyes, but he had the good sense to hesitate. “Don’t you have any lube? I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I like it to hurt,” Yamashita said, his voice thick and toxic. “Don’t worry about me.”

“No,” Koki said strongly, leaning down to kiss Yamashita lightly on the lips, the most sensual kiss they’d shared so far. “I’m not going to fuck your pain away.”

“Why not?” Yamashita wailed, almost whining. “It always worked for Jin.”

“Say his name again and I’m walking out the door.”

Yamashita looked from one of Koki’s eyes to the other and sighed. “It’s in the drawer next to the futon.”

Smiling, Koki rocked back onto his knees, pulling Yamashita with him. Yamashita regarded him oddly, biting his lip when Koki pressed their foreheads together, kissing an outline around Yamashita’s mouth and slowly pulling the lip from his teeth. He didn’t realize that Koki had maneuvered them the remaining few feet to the futon; he was laid down onto the soft material like a child, although that train of thought became quite disturbing as Koki slid up his body and tenderly kissed him again.

Yamashita groaned softly as Koki prepared him a second time, this time with better assistance. Koki concentrated on Yamashita’s face, watching it scrunch up and release as Koki brushed against his prostate – once, twice, three times had Yamashita gripping the sheets with both hands, sweat balling on his face, gasping what sounded like Koki’s name as Koki had to channel all of his willpower not to drive himself into Yamashita right then.

“Tomohisa,” Koki said again, dragging his lips up Yamashita’s jawline to his ear before retreating down his neck and along his collarbone. “I’m going to fuck you now.”

“Please,” said Yamashita, his voice almost nonexistent. “God, Koki, make me forget him.”

“Who?” Koki prompted.

“Ji – that guy,” Yamashita caught himself, wrapping his arms around Koki’s rib cage. He captured Koki’s mouth before he could say anymore, repeatedly pressing their lips together with just a hint of tongue, urging Koki further up his body until they were aligned.

Koki wasted no time sliding in, gently pushing Yamashita’s knees up to his chest, hands on his thighs to keep them apart, spreading Yamashita open as far as was possible for the deepest penetration. Yamashita tore his mouth away, smacking his head on the futon as he arched his back, hooking his legs around Koki’s shoulders to drive him in farther, deeper and harder until those were the only coherent thoughts in his brain.

Chanting Yamashita’s first name like a mantra, Koki licked the sweat from Yamashita’s neck as he thrust over and over again into the tight heat, feeling Yamashita surround him completely. His orgasm was quickly approaching, and he could feel Yamashita tensing up as well; he snaked a hand between their moist bodies until he felt rigid flesh, seizing it entirely and pumping up and down, up and down, the pleasure-induced howls he was inducing like music to his ears as he started to lose himself in the overwhelming sensations,

“Ko -” Yamashita began, his voice strained and breathy. “Ko-u- _ki_ …”

The syllables shifted into a long, high-pitched moan as spurts of warm liquid flooded Koki’s hand, the suffocating constriction making it almost impossible to continue moving inside him. Koki came as well, his low growl vibrating both of their bodies in the wake of this intense experience.

Struggling to catch his breath, Koki started to lower himself off of Yamashita, but the other was having none of it. “I can’t stay here,” he whispered, all evidence of his voice long gone.

“Why not?” Yamashita asked innocently, lowering his legs and tightening his embrace around Koki.

“Because you’ll wake up next to me and be disappointed.”

Koki’s chin was roughly turned until he was looking into Yamashita’s deep brown eyes, still heated even after the fact. “That will not happen,” he said slowly, enunciating each syllable, pulling the cover over both of them as though Koki had no choice in this matter.

And, he supposed, he didn’t. Too exhausted to argue and too comfortable to stay awake, he closed his eyes in Yamashita’s embrace, giving into the persistent sleep as the rain continued to pour down, smacking the roof of the little trailer and tapping the windows.

His last thought before succumbing to slumber was that maybe he kind of liked the rain.


End file.
